VICTORY BEHIND UNWANTED TEARS

Sanfelli Marius Michael C. Hortelano

URL: http://shortelano.blogspot.com

“Heroes are not born at the end of every victorious battle. They are made upon their enlistment to join the war.”

Failure is a fact of life. This is the reason why we are called human beings for creatures like us are susceptible to failure. Defeat is an excruciating feeling of sadness whose effect will ultimately transpire into desperation, melancholy or worse, suicidal tendencies. However, man has to cope by applying mechanisms to transcend one’s sadness and grief into acceptance and content.

After my undergraduate studies, I moved up to further pursue academic excellence at the post graduate level. I went into law school. I was then one step closer into fulfilling a child’s dream, to be a lawyer. I spent five long years of schooling, and five years thereafter, I graduated and was vested a Bachelor of Laws degree.

Time went super fast. I thought I was set to travel a light year’s journey. With midnight candles burned each and every night, my agonizing labor failed me not upon seeing myself dressed in a Greek graduation dress, marching down the isle of solitude --- this was definitely my day and everything in it was surely mine for the taking.

Graduation day has finally ceased. The fever and excitement of success after hard days of work meant to be incomplete unless unstagnated by superfluous day dreaming and false hopes. Reality has come to chase me down to give me the creeps. Judgment calls has haunted me down for good. And for this moment, there is nothing but cowardly fear. Death has consumed my soul. Darkness has engulfed my very core of courage. I would like to hope that conquering the intricacies of law school was my last stand but I was mistaken. Every lawyer hopeful must take and pass the Bar Examinations. This is the only and only way.

A choice has to be made. A divine decision planted solely within the edifice of the unknown that despite of its uncertainty one has to venture the odds of the unseen. Thus, without bothering to refer my fate into oracles, I decided to move forward in heaven’s name.

With enough focus, determination and my will to win, I prepared not for battle but for the war; a war of having a remembrance of what is to feel like going towards an execution chamber not for incarceration but for intellectual competition. I have six months to prepare for battle --- more than enough for me to train and work the hardest sweat of a lifetime. I did not just study and read a lot of law books but I feed my soul through burning them until they get lifeless. This is who I am.

September, the hell month --- The six month grace period was totally over. War has ultimately come upon me and the belt of pride; ambition and future are at stake. There is nothing left for me to do except to wage war against not to my enemies but to myself. I travelled then to Manila to take the Bar Examinations. This is the moment for me to see the unholy revelation of my destiny playing a reality show entitled “The Elimination of the Unfit.”

I took the Philippine Bar Examination, but failed. It was indeed painful but too human for me to bear. At least I gave my all to pass but unfortunately, it is not just for me, for now...who knows, it will be mine for the taking tomorrow?

I settled to gamble because it’s my only way of getting there. Not unless you stand by your cards and move for an aggressive “all in” in risk, a man will never know his chances of winning. Needless to state, one must be a risk taker to be successful for a man who always dwells on safe decisions will never grow. Thus, it is better to loose in trying than to never having tried at all because for heroes are not born at the end of every victorious battle. They are made upon their enlistment to join the war. Kudos everyone!